Looking forward

This semester has been kicking my butt.  Between finalizing study abroad paperwork, applying for scholarships, losing and finding a job, working, classwork, band, and socializing, I've barely had time to really think about the coming months.  In truth, I've been avoiding thinking about it.  I love my friends, I love being on campus.  I don't want to leave Indiana and the life that I have here.  Whenever anyone has brought up my pending departure for the past few months, I've made comments about how excited I am, and then quickly changed the subject and shoved the thoughts from my mind.  

The truth is that I've been too afraid to confront the reality that I've been working so hard to create.  I want more than anything to study abroad.  At the same time, everything about it terrifies me.  I don't know if I can go four months without being able to speak English.  What if I accidentally offend my host family, or if I take too long showers?  What if I get horribly lost, or hate the food, or run out of money?  What if I fail the classes?  What if the internet is really unreliable, or if I just am terrible at communicating, and I come back and all my friends are strangers?

These are the thoughts that fill my head whenever I allow myself to think about Spain, about the experience that will officially commence in 28 days.  

On Thursday I attended my mandatory pre-departure orientation with the study abroad office.  We talked about what to expect with culture shock, how to meet up with the group when we get there, and how to call home.  Despite the fact that we only went over information that I'd already heard, the meeting calmed me down.  

For the first time, I began to actually feel excited to leave the country.  Yes, everything will be terrifying at first, and I will definitely make mistakes, but I'll be in Spain.  I'll be in a beautiful country with great food, people in the program who are there to help me, and friends and family back home who understand that I won't be spending my whole life sitting on the computer.  I'll be able to travel to new places, to eat things I've never heard of before, and to practice a language that I desperately want to learn.  

Finally, I can't wait for this semester to start.